Memphis

 I have a question for my readers. When your mind reviews a key event, and as that sequence unfolds in super slow motion, is that ever a positive recollection? I am sure every one of us has a plethora of semi-disasters that plague us in our memory banks that roll repeatedly in slow-mo. As a cyclist that was a victim of multiple superfun collisions, I can conjure that wonderfulness in a frame by frame on demand. When I fell off the roof and blitzed by my security camera like an old SNL Mr. Bill episode, in my head, that drop was excruciatingly slow. Then with a jarring thump, it was over. Since my wife and I did not meet running towards each other in a heather strewn Iowa field or on a dune covered beach at sunset, I have no happy slow motion memories. We went down this literal trip on memory lane so I could more accurately relate that the current FSU offense is not a happy memory and is one hundred percent in slow motion like I have never seen before…

I can’t imagine our current quarterback has any caffeine in his life, because there is literally nothing he does with any alacrity. His feet are in mud, the release is maddingly elongated and the processing synapses are firing like an Antarctic Eveready. This is not just about the passing game, which we can all see is a mess, but the running game is a clear loser as well. Norvell’s base run is a counter where two fat guys leave their side and roll to the opposite side to clear the way for the back. DJ’s molasses mutton chops take so long to get to the back and start the play the runner is inevitably swallowed. Given that he is no threat on any of the RPO options, any running play causes an overflow of defenders in that direction. The only way to beat this are jet sweeps and direct blasts in the A-gap. That is why we started play one with a blast up the middle. OL won the battle to the tune of 8 yards. Next snap, line wins again but, the only unblocked Memphis linebacker hits the gap with his helmet on the football and the first of three huge momentum swings was unlocked.

The second massive swing happened at the end of the first half after the defense had forced a crazy three and out where the overaggressive Memphis coach inexplicably threw three straight times with just over 2 minutes on the clock to give the ball to the Noles without having to use a TO. The crowd responds with approval and the punt sails toward our freshman punt returner. He floats forward and is wiped out with friendly fire as a teammate is thrown into him and Uncle Mo is back on the Tigers sideline. The head Tiger tried to make a national fool of himself by sprinting 40 yards down the sideline to complain to the ref about the band playing too loud and long. What he did not understand was that the Chiefs had stopped playing and what he heard was a still full student section chanting through the snap. The noise won this battle and Memphis left the red zone with only another FG. Speaking of the band, what a whipsaw it was from a game experience perspective. A home game where we had only competing bands playing at every break...yes please! Thanks to the Boosters for listening to the people who pay the bills.

I feel for the HC. I have been one on a much lower level, but absolutely understand the conundrum he is facing. How can you go on the field every damn day and see what you see and then watch a these same Thursday studs look like a one year old tackling spaghetti on Saturday. Is it possible to just be this wrong? Yes, and especially at linebacker, safety and qb, I will give a theory. There is almost no contact at practice. Coaches in all levels of football are concerned about injury - especially in this uberviolent sport, that tackling is almost nonexistent during the week. Clearly, we have seen what real pressure and contact do to the qb who faces none of the above all week. He is Peyton Manning with a green jersey, but when he switches to Seminole shades, trouble ensues. Time to use your Saturday eyes for him and move on. But, without contact, the back seven does not have real reps to replicate the motion smashmouth line play that results in previously invisible backs and TE's flashing open on every play. USC under Pete Carroll used to have full contact Tuesday good-on-good practices every week. I think that worked out pretty well for him. And this kind of crazy practice would have exposed DJ and the communication gaffes from our defensive back seven way sooner. When you are zip and three, there is literally nothing left to lose. Let's smash it up in practice Coach. Let's see what Brock and Luke look like under duress on Tuesday.

Last week, we commented how the lack of emotion on the sideline was palpable. Not so in this one. The defense had some juice. Patrick Peyton and Josh Farmer led by example and carried it to the bench. AZ Thomas has allowed exactly no completions, and except for a dime of a throw on the sideline, Cypress has been similarly solid. There was a glimmer on this side of the ball, and if we can find the right combo of linebackers and safeties in the next few weeks, there is hope over there. Juice Cryer getting our first TO may inject some confidence in that beleaguered group. However...I am willing to bet that the DC has never - in his entire life - ordered anything other than vanilla at Baskin Robbins. This is a man who has 72 pairs of white socks and 42 pairs of khakis. He likes what he likes and adjustments or changes are not gonna fly on the Fuller Farm. If they continue to makes strides - given the spate of communication issues they have, I will give him a leash, but watching games all around the country, I have serious LB coach and DC creativity envy...I bet on Sunday visits to the Waffle House, he has his two safeties lining up 13 yards from his table with syrup in case things go awry. 

First play from scrimmage this week, two Memphis fans have just arrived to sit in front of us. One is about 6'4" with a huge hat. Joy! The other takes his seat and sets off a liter geyser of Coke and Jack Daniels from his back pocket that he snuck in that sprays all over the wife and I emptying in seconds a light brown (slow motion) old faithful of Tennessee's finest. That was the beginning a beautiful day, and then the fire alarm during Norvell's press conference telling everyone to immediately leave the building was the perfect capper. Folks if those are not signals of trouble, I can't help you.

Since I have a mostly friendly audience here, let's just have a group hug for the last 10 months of this football program. From December 3rd to now has been a Bataan death march. The weekend after the snub, we lost our top five 2025 recruits including the top OL, WR, DE and DB in the country all previously silently committed to the Noles. We thought we had all of them, but they (rightly) decided that their best chance to play big time football was a team that could make the playoffs when they win all their games. If these kids committed, we probably would not have gone blue moon over Miami crazy in the portal. But we did, again, and then went on to spend the offseason loudly whining on every social media platform available while proudly trying to exit a conference. We crap the bed the first month of 2024 on the field and lose 80% of our 2026 recruiting class in the process. This is an epically bad run, and most of us are walking around looking for Pigpen, Eeyore and their storm clouds for a step up in positivity. The good news is that it simply has to end soon. Has to. I have done my part, changing shoes, hats, shirts, seats...hell even the Nole flag in front of my house will be soon be in its 4th iteration since leaving for Dublin. This many bad things can't happen to good people, and damn it, we are good people!

So, buck up Noles! Be one of the few, the proud, the Noles in Doak this Saturday night. If you ask FSU fans, roughly 225,000 of you were there when we came back in the 4th quarter for the Choak in Doak. Don't you want to be one of the 40,000 in half-Doak when we turn this mess around with kids leading the way? See you there.