Louisiana Monroe

Bum Phillips talking about Bear Bryant famously said that Coach "..could take his'n and beat your'n, and then he could turn around and take your'n and beat his'n". I am almost one hundred percent certain right now that the opposite is true here in the most beautiful city in the Sunshine State.

The sliver of hope that Noles had was the axiom about teams always making their most improvement from game 1 to game 2, and it was smashed like a pregnant rudabaga as soon as the second half started. My friends, this was a Sun Belt doormat that has had like one winning record in the last 30 years just whipping us all over the field in the last 30 minutes. But, then again, we apparently have to be up by thirty or so at the half to give us a realistic shot to stay in front. Are our coaches just playing tailgate Jenga in the locker room at halftime? But first let's talk about the big adjustment we made in week 2. After a massive staff meeting in the Hitler Bunker, we decided to put a paid defensive coach upstairs in the coaching box. Yup, I guess trying to make personnel adjustments from the field amid the sweat, spit and swearing is not as easy as one might imagine. Somehow, being in a quiet box upstairs makes it easier to detect what players the other team is bringing in the game. Crazy next level stuff here. I guess it is too late to patent this amazingness, but we did put our delightful DC up there this week. Results forthcoming.

Before we dig into the game, let's talk about the postgame. When the overtime kick went awry, our Head Coach raised his arms in triumph and his players starting dancing, prancing and sprinting around the field like they had just won a playoff game. Holy Hannah. When the kick sailed, I can tell you that Debbie, Knox and I looked at each with faces somewhere between relief and disgust. My nose was crinkled, my eyes were squinted and my mouth went in two different directions because I had no earthly idea how to take in this moment. But I can assure you that I did not feel like dancing; and cranking up Kool and the Gang was also not in the offing. Our Coach - if he truly understood Floria State football as he purports - should have thrown down his headset in revulsion, shaken the hands of yet another coaching staff that just kicked your ass and hustled his players in the damn locker room where I would have lost my voice cussing up a Dorian level storm. Nope. We had a locker room party and then told the media our problems can all be solved by a few less penalties. Wow.

If every player on the field played as hard as Cam Akers, our coaching staff would be irrelevant. The kid is breaking sure tackles and willing us down the field. The short screen pass that Cam took to the house saved the game. It seemed obvious to us behind the home bench that Kendal seems to have lost faith in James and I get it. The Slim Reaper has a veritable red dot on every receiver he targets. There is staring down your guy, and then there is scantily clad Kate Upton just walked by a fraternity house staring, and JB is absolutely the latter. Safeties are rotating instantly with his head direction with no repercussion. Picks are coming and in bunches against real DB's unless JB can improve his field vision. This receiving corps is pretty salty, and again I think we have a real coordinator on this side of the ball (dare I say interim HC material...). But, with that big wind up, James has to not Morse code every throw or there will be a switch. Yes, that switch might irrevocably split the locker room, but I get it.

Oh the defense. We have given up 1,100 yards in two games against non power 5 opponents. Marvin Wilson is creating havoc in his one gap, but the other six gaps are debuting for Grand Canyon stunt doubles. The why is beyond me. We are still sending defensive ends back in coverage, and our linebackers are almost never in the right place or make the tackle when they are. I would absolutely change out my entire linebacking corps going with Gainer and McRae at a minimum. Dontavious would never play another down. How many damning personal fouls were not called on #5 on Saturday? At least three from my vantage point. After finally getting caught, he sat one series, and may have even been praised as he left the field. Kaindoh and Robinson are absolutely lost in this defense. How do All American recruits lose the confidence or ability to even function? Stanford Samuels and Kyle Myers have completely lost their mojo and teams are picking on them like a playground bullies. Stanford has even forgotten how to turn his head while running like he has a NASCAR restrictor plate on his neck. Bottom line is that there is a tremendous amount of talent on this side of the ball, and this group is historically awful - like worst in the country awful. Something has to change - now. Call Jim Leavitt. Elevate Mark Snyder. Hell, hire Kate Upton. Make sure she is on the field and not in the box to take full advantage of the distraction.

Virginia is now Coach Taggart's Waterloo. Let's hope it goes better for our General.