Ole Miss

You are 7 years old and you absolutely know it is coming. It is Christmas Eve and you can't wait to open what is sure to be the best pile of presents you can ever remember. Well, it has been 3 years since you felt like Saint Nick's holiday really rocked your World. You have spent the last week sneaking all over the house looking for hints and news on what may be in store, but your parents Jimbo and Charles (LGBT family - not voting for Trump...) are not letting anything slip. In fact, they have been hiding their store receipts and even their tweets to Santa Claus have been blocked to only PPV buyers. Uggh.

Your day starts out slow. The stocking is only nuts and gum, and your tree presents are honestly uninspiring. Just a matchbox car, a video game and a football. Yes, you got gifts, but it seems like everything on your BIG list was ignored. So, you wander upstairs for lunch (Daddy Jimbo can sure cook!), and get ready to start the second half of your day. Then BOOM, it happens. Your matchbox car had a whole track upstairs waiting to race. Your college bound sister's room has been converted to a game room for your new Madden (yes, you are loaded...) and Telvin Smith and Jalen Ramsey knock on the door and sign your new ball. Ahh, I love Christmas!

Jimbo may have bleep bleeped his way through a halftime speech, but I kind of think two simple sentences could have solved the question of What the Hell is Wrong for $1,000 Alex?? Offense, try blocking somebody, and defense - like newlyweds with triplets - hire a Nanny because you can't play zone. We were about as ready in the first half for this team as Hitler at a book signing in the Tel Aviv Barnes & Noble. Did we not know they played tempo? Coach, if they are on the line ready to snap, and have not substituted, ummm, maybe we should hold off on 5 news guys running on the field. Then, when we did decide to keep the same 11 in between the lines, we drop into a ridiculous 3 deep zone where Matthew Thomas is middle third and solely responsible for the two 6'5" gazelles running free. We have a minor galaxy of stars in our defensive backfield and we decide our best defense is a passive zone? Thankfully, it only took three lightning quick Rebel 75 yard drives before Mr. Clean threw the 6 months of planning in the recycling bin and told the boys to line up and cover somebody. The next five Ole Miss drives looked like a 1996 Mickey Andrews defense, with pressure coming clean from the ends and DB's playing lights out when the pass actually got free.

The first half of our schedule is absolutely loaded with teams that can sling it. Louisville, UNC and Miami are going to put up scary passing numbers on whomever they play, but from what I saw Monday Night against the best QB we will see this side of Clemson, this group of DB's could be really special.  Tavarus McFadden was terrific. Long, fast and great hip turn. He was Peter Pan lost boy in the zone, but made a good play on the ball with the TD, knocked another key ball down and then had the game sealing pick. Derwin is Derwin, and clearly the other team is avoiding Marquez White like mosquitos in Rio. So, the bulk of the action fell on Trey Marshall, Levonta Taylor and Marcus Lewis. Well, the zebras could not have been wrong on all those PI calls, could they? This group is talented, they just need some more reps, and should be fine...

On the subject of Agatha Christie mysteries, how in Bowden's name could our best LB off the bench be a walk on? That poor bastard came in when Hoskins got hurt, and spent the next four plays reading the back of Ole Miss jerseys. Are none of the highly touted freshman LB's on the bench good enough after 15 practices to be on the field now? I saw Chad Kelly run up to DeMarcus Walker after the game and congratulate him. I certainly felt like they got to know each other this game. If we played another half, he may be best man in his wedding. He and Nnadi were just unblockable. However, what is going on with Josh Sweat and the refs? Nobody gets illegally mauled on an every-down basis more than this guy. He is choked, stiff-armed, yanked from behind and generally NY mugged on every passing down, and is just a drunk husband to the officials. No matter how much he pushes and paws, just ignore him and we will talk more tomorrow. Josh did take a terrible upfield angle on the late draw play TD and even Jimbo had some words of "encouragement" for him after.

I will say that in the first half, I was very impressed with the entire demeanor of our HC. Maybe the fact that cameras are crawling up his every orifice is a factor, but we are getting whipped, and he is hugging guys, patting them on the helmet after tough plays, and generally acting like a garnet & gold Mr. Rogers out there. Only when we made it a game did the traditional volcano erupt. I know the TV cameras probably wore out shots of our former Heisman winner on the sideline, but I hope they showed him just tearing up the back judge after a blown (lack of) interference call. he followed that dude up and down the chalk like a caged hyena. That boy gets some serious latitude for a former player...At one point, Francois sat on the bench and had Jimbo yelling in one ear and Jameis in the other. No pressure kid.

Listen, we were down 28-6 and I was not even the least bit discouraged by what our new signal caller was doing. So, you can imagine how thrilled I was by the final whistle. His footwork was terrific. He has his body in the right position to make every throw. Yes, he was late and had more zip than an Akron alum on too many close balls - but his demeanor said winner. We just were not putting him a position to really work. Then, we did. The misdirection throws in the second half were perfection (may have to work on actually scoring - we seem to find all new cocoa butter ways to go out of bounds at the 3). The quick crossers to Bobo and Phillips were easy and on time. And this kid can flat scoot. He does not run to escape trouble, when he runs, he has a chance to score. That is why Sean Maguire is on the bench. The two best throws of the night were both to Travis when he was absolutely crushed by a 300 pound beast bearing down on him, and stood in the pocket and delivered 2 lasers that converted ginormous third downs and 10 points. Apparently, Labor Day MNF stardom for redshirt freshman QB's is the de rigueur for Jimbo now. Heads up Class of 2019 quarterbacks...

Our line was a grab bag at a frat pledge party; you had absolutely no idea from one play to the next what you were going to get. Rick Leonard actually on two occasions reached out his arms to engage a DE, and...ummm...missed...completely. He did not touch the dude at all that went flying by him. That is hard to do. Our new - please have the guard simulate the snap by banging the side of the center - count to 2 and then snap it philosophy was a wild Roman Orgy loose in the Vatican success. Not only did we get a half dozen false starts, but we gave the other team a road map and a timer as to when we were going to start the play. For the most part, I thought Bell and Rojo were solid with both only struggling on twists. Eberle looked like a dude that had not practiced and Derrick Kelly was so slow off the blocks that he made Leonard look quick. Clearly, Ole Miss with 8 and 9 men up were prepared to take #4 out of the game, but this group needs work. Dalvin had an uninspired 200 yard day. What does that say about the kid? One huge catch on the sideline right in front of our seats was incredible (take note Tate) I thought it was a sure pick and he went over the safety and flat speared it for a big first down. Scared me to death when he checked up in the 4th with what looked like another hammy pull, but of course our HC (who does not admit to an injury until there is a scalpel involved) said he is fine.

Saw a social post last night pleading for the Aguayo parents to please keep procreating. Amen, you Catholic studs. Not a bad debut for the boy. With the possible exception of a fashion disaster on his feet (what color were those those cleats?), he was just rock solid. Not to mention the Howitzer of a kickoff specialist we have in his freshman teammate Logan Tyler. I swear I think he put 2 kickoffs through the uprights. Just imagine how good he will be in 3 years, when he gains 75 pounds, shaves his head and starts partying on Friday nights?

Listen, friends...we survived a game when lesser coaches and players would have turned tail and ran away. We established a new potential star at QB and learned the hard way how this group of kids we need to play defense. Yes, we got to sleep at 4 am on a school night, but who needs sleep when you win? Go Noles - let's go to Doak!