North Carolina

Little Mark stepped off the bus and immediately started running. The 200 yards of dirt road and gravel between his stop and the front door kicked up tiny tornadoes in his wake. The tears started about 20 feet from his front porch when his Mom stepped out to greet him. He buried his head in her apron and let it go. "It's not Fair! Bobby and Mike got A's, and my teacher gave me an F!! It's not Fair...It's Not!!"

You see, it was Science Fair time and Mark's older siblings had put together a terrific solar system. When the oldest was in 6th grade, he presented this oh-so-original Copernician masterpiece to the teacher and was rewarded for his effort. The middle boy hit Grade 6 - and in a lucky stroke - the schools had been rezoned and this new professor again lauded the young lads' originality. But, it was Mark's turn, and the fat lady was warbling over this pre-owned marvel. His mentor gave him a generous option. Take this plagiarized project home tonight and see if you can change it enough to make it your own. However poor Mark's cheese is staked to his bedpost, and it ain't moving soon. So he showed up to John Glenn Middle the next day with the same colored spheres attached to the same coat hangers that worked to perfection for his household heroes. Another lesson - if not learned - at least delivered. But alas young readers, history repeats...

Yes it is true that a Bentley boot with 21 seconds left put our boys ahead in our first title tilt. However, it was a Husker hook that was our last second memory in 1993. In my limited 30 year memory, our boys have never won a game on truly the last play. We have now had two consecutive weeks of spectacular teasing with this phenomenon that apparently happens every other game in Baton Rouge. But like any good burlesque show, you can never date the dancers. The fact that Dustin Hopkins volunteered to speak to the media after the game before he was asked and answered every question posed with incredible composure is another reason to love the kid. But this goat does not kick. This one is on the defense...

The UNC offense is defined by shifts and multiple bunch sets like a typical Sunday group. The QB simply reads the safeties and when they sprint up to the line like ours did all day, he calls a play action pass. If he wants to go deep, simply leave the backs & TE's in to block and wait for his guy to spring (wide) open. If he wants to go short, he hopes that the formation fools the opposition into leaving one of the 5 in the pattern wide open in the flat...and the Noles were Martha Stewart and placed a lovely four course spread in front of our powder blue guests. We blitzed once in the first half, got burned, and gave that up for the game. Instead of matching our LB's in man on their backs and TE's, we stayed in the same zone ALL GAME LONG. We did not attempt to fool them with a false pre-snap look...Maybe most disconcerting was watching the defensive staff in between series below me completely at a loss as to what was going wrong. I would rather see a DC going nuts on a player or a group because they were reaching for the plugged in hair dryer in the bath rather than Stoops & Hudson looking like they were lost on the way to Amarillo. At least we can regroup with a lead at halftime and give em what for in the second stanza. Umm, nope, nope & nope. Our 3 losses define our inability to adjust in the second act.

No, it is not true that Jimbo's great grandfather delivered the pre-battle speech at Little Big Horn. But, good golly do we come out of the locker room flat in the 1st & 3rd quarters. In addition to the veil of secrecy that now defines the Fisher era, how about the stellar job of clock management by our Flavor Flav of the sidelines. The baby blues have it inside the 10 with over 2 minutes and only 3 possible plays before we take over, and we have 3 chances to stop said clock. How about we use some of these amazing clock stopping gifts before the little hand is almost straight up & down. If Greg Reid did not bail him out with a 50 yd return, he would have been even more crucified. And those around me are aware that when Jimbo channeled the worst lesson of Coach Bowden and played for a long field goal instead of kicking their teeth in with an attempt at a TD or at worst 10-15 more yards with plenty of time, this scribe was furious before Dustin ever came on the field.

Folks we were outcoached by a staff with incredibly high moral standards that learned their craft at the feet of Barry Switzer and Jimmy Johnson. It just sickens me.

In the ifs & buts were candy & nuts, we would all be flying squirrels category...yes Bert Reed dropped 2 balls and stepped out of bounds again with no pressure for the second week in a row. 6 total drops by this corps belayed what could have been an unbelievable effort by the QB. For Clemson, I would sit both Reid & Reed and start Harris and Greg Dent.

Are we still about 10-15 great players and a bunch of defensive experience away from being a great team? Yes. Is this staff the group to get us there? I really think they are. They can recruit and I like the game plans and unpredictability of our offense even with limited skill guys on that side of the ball. If Jimbo can get Mark and his players to listen to each other and maybe bring in this old guy that still lives in Tally with nothing but time on his hands named Andrews to mentor our young DC on his muenster mobility; we can finish some of these handwringers in our favor.

I am not going to let this go without railing yet again on the All Carolina Conference officiating idiots. Our ACC opponents have had 4 holding calls pointed out by the black & white men of Mensa in 2010. We had four called in two series this Saturday night. I read that in ACC games we have had 61 "judgement" calls (holding etc.) go against us and 11 called on our opponents this season. Our defensive line staff has installed a NASA capable firewire transfer system to ACC HQ so all the missed plays can be instantly uploaded every Sunday morning so Mr. Sportsmanship John Swofford can get the 35 weekly muggings on his laptop before church. Nebraska left the Big 12 over the Texas bias shown by administration and officials, so this basketball league better be careful...