Maryland

When Billy Shakespere wrote "All's Well that ends Well"...was he thinking of us? Other Olde English Definitions...

Frustration

Our academically challenged TE Bo Reliford turns the wrong way twice on his routes during the game - one resulting in an almost game deciding pick and the other simply causing more of Jimbo's precious remaining follicles to flutter to the Doak turf...

My 11 year old straight A student daughter - who has personally attended over 70 college football games (maybe more than many of you) - asked me midgame "Dad, if EJ throws it into the endzone and it is caught by our guy, is it a touchdown?"

Erudition

An offense that gives a young quarterback a fighting chance because his options are all in front of him. A running game that is consistent results in naked boots that give multiple looks within an easy vision tunnel. When EJ rolls out, there are always at least two throwing options in front of him and he can check from deep to short to calling his own number in a run in just seconds.

Having multiple options in your tailgate because team performance has dictated that we are playing yet again before the average college student is out of bed. This forces the seasoned vets to plan incredible diversity in their culinary attack. A great gastronomical gameplan for a noon kick requires 6 am heating, 10 am cool-downs and enough coolers, stoves and covers to weather any weather.

Alacrity

Speed-Ree(i)d-ers...Bert Reed splitting two defenders on his way to a nifty go-ahead score on the 4th quarter. We all know it is because he was truly scared of another WWE takedown like he suffered in the first period when Jermaine Thomas whiffed on a block on the same play. Or Greg Reid and either of his marvelous punt returns that electrified all 14 of us in the Doak crowd. I was also duly impressed with the fleetness that Coach Andrews displayed in hawking down Greg after he chose to return a punt from inside the end zone and due only to some nimble elusiveness - got out to the 7. That old man was a veritable blur down the sideline in his effort to comfort poor Greg after that lovely decision.

You know the feeling when you get your first bike and you are just flying down the road after being a bipod for your whole life. Wow. The wind is your bitch and it is virtually impossible to think of anything moving this fast...Then your Dad's '67 mustang rips by and the trailing dust embeds in your lungs just before your own personal engine coughs to a halt. Dang. Those of you at home may have missed 90+ year old FSU music professor Tommy Wright - composer of the FSU fight song and actual facial model for our Seminole mascot - climbing the band ladder to conduct the Chiefs at halftime. With an ambulance on high alert, this geezer ascended those rungs like a drunken Oompa Loompa. To him, it must have seemed as if the World was spinning pretty fast, and God Bless him. But to those of us watching this half speed
attempt at Mt. Bowden, we were hoping that the almighty could just place some strong boys behind him so when he fell backwards, tragedy would be averted.

Farcical

Our third down defense. So you enter a restaurant, there is a rat scampering across the floor and most of your food smells like feet. Sure the dessert was good and the hostess was gorgeous...but really...the Dr. Scholl's sampler should be enough to discourage another visit. Why oh why when every team we play seems able to slice through our ludicrous third down specialty defense do we go back to it. This slice of heaven features one defensive lineman and two linebackers rushing. Pause the tape. That is 3 on 5 right there. Mismatch - they win - and the QB has roughly an eternity to throw. Play tape. Then we ask our other 8 defenders to play zone on the five guys running around in our secondary. Pause again. Our kids are so bad at coverage that they would bring a loaf of bread to a covered dish Sunday dinner. Now ask these holey afghans to play in a zone for about 8 seconds. Sheesh. "Gee, Mrs. Lincoln, I just went to the bathroom for a second muttered the security guard." And yet our coaches act amazed when some wide open cat grabs the ball 23 yards downfield on a third and 22. PLEASE STOP IT!!! Put in your best four defensive lineman and then throw in two more LB's to blitz. Now our secondary has to stay within shouting distance for only about 3-4 seconds. If we let this lunkhead next week stand in the pocket for ten seconds without pressure, while his up-til-now anemic receiving corps darts all over the field, I will definitely blow something systolic.

Whimsical

Christian Ponder at Florida Field with a healthy Rodney Hudson. I know that UF's defense is their best ever. But, I would bet that just as many Sunday players are in Chapel Hill and Clemson on that side of the ball. Those defenses surrendered over 400 yards a piece to this offense at full steam. But, alas it is not to be. We will have a fast learning freshman who has done about as good as we could possibly have hoped thus far. As I said earlier, the fruits of these reps will be borne in 2011 when there is no drop off at the position. So, we live with the long touch passes that should be ropes, the incorrect line and blitz checks and throws that are just a second too late that might require #3 to get another tackle.

Forsooth, we are bowling and every cheesehead knows that there is nothing more fun on a Saturday night than bowling with your friends. All's well that ends in a Bowl.

Go Noles!